Archives for: December 2011

2011-12-05

Permalink 09:47:58 pm, by Sueastside, 455 words, 42027 views   English (US)
Categories: general

The Chronicles Of Suburban Insanity

'Guano covered demons from hell!' Exclaimed the preacher, 'I'll be a gypsy whore wobbling O-legged through the doors of this church after a long night out in town If I'd ever let you enter this holy place dressed like that!' I wasn't trying to make a fashion statement, this banana coloured thong was the only piece of clothing still in my possession after Thick Tony raided my place...I figured I'd try my luck anyways 'Sanctuary?' I requested humbly. This just seemed to enrage the man of the cloth even more.... Why was Tony at my place? I haven't pissed him off for at least 3 years, not since I won against him in a match of poker and he carved the now clearly visible 'IOY' in my chest. What changed? Taylor was at my place last month...sweet Taylor involved with Tony's affairs, the thought sends a chill up my spine. Maybe if I had been nicer to her, I could have kept her out of trouble. I dodge a collection plate, the preacher hasn't given hope on kicking me out of his church. I need a lead or at least some clothes, it's already dark outside maybe I'll take my chances on the street. I need a contact, someone that wouldn't run away horrified seeing me like this, Crazy John comes to mind, John has seen it all, the outskirts of Vegas, donkey shows in Mexico, midget wrestling in Texas, midgets wrestling donkeys and every fan art forum on the internet. If there was a person on this globe that could see me like this and consider it the most normal event in his life, it would be John, but would he have reinstalled his passenger seat already? I could use a ride. Empty drive way, shit he's not home! My eye catches a shimmer of the porch light in a piece of glass near the fence, I walk towards it and pick it up, a remnant of a glass jar covered in blood. What happened here? There's something in the weeds as well, a face plate of a Cisco router... Olathe, a crime hub? I chuckle and toss the face plate and bloody piece of glass on the ground. Maybe he's at the warehouse with Brant? I start jogging in its general direction. Have you ever seen a grown man jog in a yellow thong, if you haven't, don't try to mentally picture it, it's not a pretty sight! But I digress, why was Tony after me? Or what and why was it at my place? It doesn't even matter anymore, I'm tired and cold, I just want someone to hold and fall asleep with. Preferably not in this outfit.

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