Insanity has struck, it was slowly filling my body, making me produce weird noises.
Can't believe i was sane for this long, i think the chocolate cake was slowing it down, or was it the ramen? Well it doesn't matter anymore, too late now.
"turn my nipple nuts wiiirpppssttfooo"
There i did it again. Although i know it just happened, i can't tell what i just did. The crazyness is taking over, my own counciousness is slowly fading.
You'll probably thinking why not go out with a bang, and stop nagging in your blog. Well i tried, oh i tried....
I'll start with my first time, i guess, my momma always said to start at the beginning. I was born on a cold night in february, there was 12 inches of snow that day...
Ow, yeah back to the point...
There i was standing at the edge, i know what you're thinking, it's been done, but i wanted to feel the wind rush thru my long blond hair.
Slowly i shifted my balance over the edge, dropping my body down as a stiff board. With closed eyes ofcourse, im afraid of heights...
I was overwhelmed by strong feeling of calmness, while my body rushed to the ground accelerating with each inch. And then nothing.....
Next thing i remember is waking up next to Bill Gates, in red sexy revealing lingery. I rushed out as soon as possible, ofcourse after he payed me.
I know what youre thinking....
How's Bill Gates in bed? Luckly that the positive side effect of my condition i don't remember a thing.
Ow you were wondering something else?
Well it doesn't matter what you're thinking, it's my blog after all.
The second try: After the Gates incident the urge to finish my existence was even greater, ofcourse i've spend the money first, on GPU Gems if you're wondering, the thing is pretty expensive for just a book, a bundle of wood fibres, to think you can get wood for free...
What my tactic was for the second try?
The classic: a shotgun it the mouth...
Funny thing is, that it didn't matter how much i wanted to end it, my will to live was stronger. So I needed to trick myself with a selfmade trap.
Luckly i've seen my share of Mcguyver episodes, so i can find a solution for everything with my wits.
I ended up with a complicated structure of beams and cords which would swing the shotgun into my mouth and fire it, after setting off the trap by opening the door.
Now to the part making myself forget i've setup a trap for myself. I head down to the nearest liquor store and enter, my eyes swifly explore the scene, my brain gonzing from interperting and working out possible scenarios. I check my pockets for my trusty swiss knive and duckttape.
I head for the door that says private, i open it and quickly take a step back and jump behind one of the shelfs. the tender fell for it and enters the private room looking for me. I quitely close the door behind him and weld it shut with some coins and a carbattery.
I grab a permant marker from behind the pay-desk and write "go home" on my forehead and arms.
Now for the master plan: Getting drunk!
Several hours later i wake up, with blurry vision on the ground. I stand up or i thaught i did, cause i was on the floor again. Not knowing what's going on, i look around and notice writing on my arms: "go home" What does that mean, that little shit ET is here, where is he ill beat him up, after beating up a cardboard box for several minutes i realise that there are no aliens in the room, atleast not visible ones.
Having this terrible headache i decide to go home and go to bed. After kicking the cardboard box, i'm finally strawling home.
Into my own trap, damn i'm brilliant!
After walking into a wrong house, i end up at my own doorstep, i start yelling at my door to open, took me awhile to figure out that that didn't work and i had to use the key to open it.
Madly poking with the key at the door i end up succeeding in getting it in the keyhole. I swing it open....deafened by a loud bang, a feeling of disorientation by a bright flash, i see a projectile moving towards me in what appears to be slowmotion. Knowing this isn't a bullet-time enabled game, i just froze and stood there knowing i coudn't possibly do anything and accepted my faith.
I was overwhelmed by strong feeling of calmness. Hmm i can't put my finger on it, but deja-vu...
I woke up in a bright yellow tanga covered with wipedcream ontop of Barbara Streisand. After recovering from the paralysing gagging spasm and feeling of disgust and thinking i'd rather do Gates again then this. I split like a banana with the same color as my tanga and got the hell out of there after collecting the cash.
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